I’m a pretty forward thinking woman and I have always had quite a few male friends.
I’m one of the girls that had a best guy friend most of her life, and a really cool brother. And now I have many many brothers. Awesome, amazing men that share their thoughts and feelings with me like I would with my girls. And these guys, are all what I’d call my Soul Brothers, because it feels like I’ve known them forever, and we are definitely connected in a way that’s like a brother-sister.
I have some things I want to tell each of you; some things that you’re struggling with are important and I want you to know that there are women that care. We know how hard it must be to be a guys guy at this time. So here are some lessons I hope you can take with you, and remember.
1. The stuff that used to work, doesn’t work for you anymore.
Gone are the days when you used to be able to use your looks, status, cool car, money, job title or charm to ‘get by’. You are now being called to find new strengths, new avenues to be your best. You’re being asked to go deeper, to evolve. To find out what you’ve got going for you that has nothing to do with anything external. This will become apparent in your relationships and maybe your careers as well…the old “standby” doesn’t hold water for you now. It’s like the things that you could depend on to get you what you wanted, they just don’t work anymore.
So you’re left feeling like, “WTH? Now how do I handle this?”
You WILL figure it out. It WILL be ok. I promise. Have I ever lied to you? No. It’s just gonna take a little time and a little leaning into those feelings you’d rather avoid. You’ll find your strengths again, and they may be new and different strengths. You just need to work through this to get to the other side.
2. It’s not easy to evolve.
I get it. It’s tough. Evolving means you have a great chance to figure out why you suddenly FEEL so much, and so often. It’s like the things that used to roll off your back can now leave you wondering, drained, or sad. You don’t have the thick skin you used to have and it’s tough to deal. I know that there will be times when you feel wounded. That you feel ‘like a chick’ who’s over emotional and can’t just turn on the game and zone out. You find your thoughts spiraling negatively and can’t stop them. It’s a process, it’s something your sisters have been doing so we GET IT! Looking at any of this isn’t easy. Bravo for you, taking it on.
Learning to become self-aware means you get to look at yourSelf. All of yourself, especially the parts that got buried. Maybe they weren’t “man” enough so you shied away from feelings. Well, guess what brother, your feelings are real.
3. You take everything personally.
You used to be able to move past anything you didn’t like. People. Jobs. Situations. A woman didn’t call you back, you didn’t care. You didn’t think about it and talk about it for days…you just moved on. Now, things are different. Every setback feels personal. In business AND in relationships. And right now you are facing some of the most important fears you could have…the “what if’s”‘.
“What if its about me? What if I suck?”
“What if I’m a failure?”
What if it means I’m a horrible person destined to die old and alone?”
4. Vulnerability is tough.
Hey I’m a good mix of masculine and feminine, I can be a girl when I want to…although much of my day job is about my masculine strengths (martial arts, running a business, being a boss, etc). But that’s not enough anymore. We are all being pushed and prodded to get vulnerable. To find ourselves in the midst of pain and say, “This freaking HURTS!” We are all being asked to drop the masks we wear, and to put down our shields and armor to get REAL. To find our authentic means getting through all the stuff that kept you safe. It’s not easy either, but being ok with admitting that:
a) You don’t have it all together
b) You don’t know what to do
c) You’re scared or nervous
d) All of the above
5. Judgement sucks.
Remember all those people you’ve judged in your life, the ones who didn’t have it all figured out, or looked like they were struggling, or worse, failures? You now get a chance to release all the judgements you held against others. Why? Because those are the same things you’re judging yourself with, you’re making yourself into ‘That Guy.” Who’s That Guy? He’s the one that struggled with girls, or in school. He’s the one that was hung up, down, depressed, worried, analytical, financially challenged, or not good at something. That Guy…is all of us. We all have those places were we aren’t talented, and we are all doing the best we can with what we’ve got. So release the judgements you’ve held, and realize that there is no That Guy. It’s just another human being.
What I really want you to take away from this, what I really want you to understand is that I’m proud of you…and all the awake women on the planet understand what this process feels like. We’ve been through it all.
WE need you. We need YOU to step up your game, to get real, to care, and to be able to own your stuff. We need you to see us for all that we are, not just the parts you like. We need your humor, your vulnerability, your strengths, and your gifts. We need you to understand what really matters, and we need you to be able to connect with us.
You help us grow into who we came here to be…