8 Ways to Get Over ‘Giving to Get’ and Find Love

8 Ways to Get Over ‘Giving to Get’ and Find Love

Recently I wrote the article Are You Playing the ‘Giving to Get’ Game in Relationships? about a tactic some of us unconsciously use in relationships.

What is it? It’s an unhealthy way we act in relationships if we believe we have to do something in order to earn the love of others. It’s ‘giving to get’ something in return; an expectation of being loved or cared for if you do the right thing or say the right things or act the right way. It’s a basic belief in conditional love.

Why do you need to stop it? It’s a set up for disaster. It leaves you disappointed and feeling taken for granted while you are angry at the other person for doing all the taking. But you set it up that way: you did all the giving.

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You Screwed Up, You’re Sorry, Now What?

You Screwed Up, You’re Sorry, Now What? Original content

It happens. We all do it. We all make mistakes and someone else gets hurt. Theresa Byrne offers men tips on how to apologize and get back to the love.

I’m like a 911 coach: I’m the one that loves helping or finding clarity for people in emergency emotional situations. I often counsel women when they’re hurting, or help men attempt to figure out how to explain a bad situation or apologize when he hurts the one he loves. It’s tough to explain things when you’re afraid the person you love may never forgive you.

I’m not talking something that has endangered them, created trauma, or has broken a cardinal rule that they hold dear. If you’ve cheated then that will take a lot more healing and discussions to try to pull things back together.

This is for the “I messed up and I need help” kind of mistakes. I understand, it gets complicated. It’s disempowering on both sides when someone messes up. There should be lessons on this in high school. Heck even junior high.

In an effort to help men find the right words, and for two people who love each other to move past the hurt, I see a need for loving apology strategy. Can we apologize in a way that makes the other person feel valued? Feel heard? And gives them the time they need to let go of the pain? Keep Reading →

Do You Have to Stay Angry in Break ups?

Does Your Breakup Have to Stay Angry?

I’d like to show you how to move past breakup anger and get on with your life.
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When we date, we all start with hope.

We hope for an amazing relationship. We hope for a future filled with the best of both of us. We imagine all the fun and exciting things we’ll do. We hope things will work out and they’ll be our Plus One. We hope we’ve made a great choice and this is a relationship we can grow together in for the long haul. Possibly even leading to marriage, if that’s on the table. (And if it’s not a relationship that’s destined for marriage, then we hope for an amazing relationship all the same.)

There are many stages/types of relationships: there’s the Texting/Flirt stage. The Hook-Up; the “We’re Just Dating”/”One of Several” stage; the ‘Secretly’ Dating where you tell no one stage, the New Relationship, the Monogamous/Exclusive Relationship, the Boyfriend/Girlfriend, and the Partnership Track (living together, promised (is that still a thing?), engaged to be engaged, etc).

But what happens if/when it doesn’t work out? Keep Reading →

What Roles Do You Play?

What Roles Do You Play?

Husband. Father. Son. Friend. Colleague (or boss). Wife. Mother. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Co-worker. I look at what it takes to succeed in the roles you play in life.
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How many different roles do you have? Have you ever sat down and counted them? I did, and here are some of mine: business owner/entrepreneur. Woman. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Abolitionist. Boss. Patient. Client. Warrior. Instructor. Coach. Neighbor. Writer. Speaker. Brain injury survivor. Martial arts master. Author/writer. Ex-wife. Positivist.

I invite you to think about it for a second—how many roles do you have? And have you ever stopped to ask what it takes to succeed in your roles? Keep Reading →