America needs a time out!

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Anger and fear are running rampant through our country right now, and it’s not the same country it was two weeks ago.

There are citizens that have lived here for generations who are suddenly afraid of being kicked out, harassed, or hurt. And that’s just at the supermarket. Uber drivers are calling their relatives as they pick up a new fare and staying on the phone with them, just to say, “yeah, I’m here and I’m OK.” How would you feel if that was your son, or daughter, or brother, or sister?

How would you feel if all of a sudden you had a target on your back and it was somehow OK for people you don’t know to make disparaging comments to you? And that means people in both political parties! Calling each other names is never good, labeling others as being one way because of who they vote for has never been a way to create change, it only creates more separation. More anger. More heat.

We all want our country to work. We all want to feel safe. We are all human beings, there’s no “us”and there’s no “them”.

I know in my heart that acting out in hate isn’t how most of us think or act; we know bullying isn’t OK, and frightening or ganging up on people is never OK and especially not because of their color, gender, nationality, sexual orientation, or choice of political party. Rationally we know this. But suddenly, these little insular acts of racism, or sexism, or even bullying have started to become prevalent. As is the rioting which just causes more anger.

America, take a time-out.

Anger is never a good emotion to act from, not when you’re in the throes of it. Not when it’s searing through your body. Whether your candidate won, and you’re defending yourself OR your candidate lost and you’ve decided to “ACT OUT”;  it’s not rational thought driving this reaction. It’s fear, anger, or even something worse like a desire to “get back” at someone. Or to “show them”. Show them what exactly? How tough and strong and mean you can be?

What do we do to a child when they throw a temper tantrum? When they bully other kids? We point out that their behavior isn’t OK and give them a time out. If we want to create changes, then we do it from within. We don’t get to act out and hurt others, and we don’t start treating people as if they were less than human. Ever. It’s. Not. OK.

Look to those who have created lasting differences on the planet, Mother Teresa never held a rally and Ghandi didn’t riot. They didn’t label others, they just did their work and created change.

Breathe. If you get angry or triggered, breathe. Don’t react. Find a way to respond rationally.

 

Are You ‘Giving to Get’ Love in Relationships?

Are You Playing the ‘Giving to Get’ Game in Relationships?

Is this you? Are you doing kind things over and over for others in order to get love?

This subconscious (and dysfunctional) relationship tactic might go something like: “If I give you this (or do this for you) then you’ll give me love (or treat me like I’m important/worthwhile).” And it’s destined for disaster.

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Giving with an expectation of getting something in return is a common game we play on ourselves and in relationships.

Reciprocity (give and take) is built on the concept of mutuality; with both people participating. But when you’re playing the “giving to get” game, it’s far from mutual. The game is born out of a feeling of lack, and it ends in emotional pain. That lack is that you might feel needy, unimportant, not “good enough,” unlovable or unworthy exactly as you are.

In a “giving to get” cycle, one person ends up doing most of the giving, the niceties and forgiving while the other person is on the receiving end of all that kindness. Whether or not they asked for it.

In your mind you may think “they ought to love me, after all I’ve done.” You may not even know you do this, you may just wonder why you’ve ended up disappointed in relationships. “After all I’ve done for you, how can you treat me this way?”

May I gently remind you: it was your choice to do all that doing, no one made you do it. But the consequences remain that you may have given all of yourself to someone who wasn’t giving the same back.

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What You Need To Lose to Find Love

GMP Article “What You Need To Lose To Find Love”

Theresa Byrne says if you want love, substitute letting go for seeking.

I hesitate to write anything that starts with a title of “YOU NEED,” because I cringe at anyone telling others WHAT to do. I am not the boss of you. Nor do I want to be. I’m also not your mom. And yes, I know, my title may sound like that well-meaning friend who tells you their version of “The Way The World Is” over and over. For that I apologize.

But for this message, “What You Might Want to Think About …” and “Maybe Some Things That Are Getting In Your Way …” and “Here Are a Few Things That Hold Us Back From Finding Love In Our Lives” just wouldn’t cut it. I mean, after all, I’m writing about love. And an article about love needs to have a title that matches—or at least tries to match—the impact of the feeling.  Keep Reading →

Social Media Detox, Anyone?

Do You Need a Social Media Detox?

We are engaging in the biggest global social experiment the world has ever seen: Social Media.

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Anyone who has ever taken Sociology 101 or Psychology 101 remembers the experiments we studied: ones where people were paid to “shock” strangers sitting in another room, or the one where a neurosurgeon pressed on an area in a woman’s brain and she began singing opera or speaking Portuguese (why am I the only one who ever remembers that one? I swear it happened!). Or the one where college students were paid to become “guards” in an experiment and others “prisoners;” (which is set to become a movie, I believe).

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Welcome to the Matrix. Keep Reading →